Alice Moon on Poetry and Life: Need to SEE yourself? Go to Walmart.

Walmart used to bring 3 things to mind for me- bargains, crowds and butt cheeks. Yes, butt cheeks. I haven't been to a Walmart in a long time and NOT seen butt cheeks. Most of the time they aren't the toned butt cheeks of a work-out queen or fit 20 year old (which is still a ridiculous sight in the city); usually it is a butt squeezed into a pair of shorts several sizes too small, which have climbed half way up the cheeks in a desperate attempt to break free, or something of the like. Don't act like you haven seen this, I know I'm not the only one who shops at my wally. Every time I go, I see the cheeks. And last time I was there, I had an emotional and enlightening experience, so self-examination is now on the list of things I associate with that store. Who needs a therapist when you have the people of Walmart?

Time for a few disclaimers before I get to the point. I have nothing against butt cheeks. They should all have their time in the sun, however, not for all to see, unless you are going somewhere where they are to be expected. (I guess Walmart is such a place now). Do not think that I am a class or weight snob. I think people of all sizes that take pride in their own well being are beautiful. Next, I believe that classy people are found and lacking in all socioeconomic statuses, races, genders, etc. I have met very classy people that didn't have a dime to their name and came from the roughest trailer park you'd ever see, and I have met classless people who had great wealth. Both of which and everything in between can probably be found at Walmart! Onward we go.

Like some of you, I have a thing with crowds. I get anxious around a lot of people, which generally leads to my being irritable, and an eventual escalation to wanting to snap "like a Chic-O Stick". But, I have this friend who inspires me, and makes me feel like a real a$$hole. Not intentionally, but because this friend doesn't get judgmental, doesn't let small things irritate and cause them to be irate, and generally looks to find the good in people. I want to be like that, because I get all pissed and want to punch babies, while this friend is happy and at peace. To take charge of my peace, I think it necessary to truly examine how I operate and learn to choose certain emotions over others, and use logic to reduce unnecessary anxiety. That's how I plan to control that sh*t and stop feeling like an a$$hole.

Now to the emotional experiences… Because bargains are important to me, I deal with the cheeks and crowds and occasionally drag myself to Walmart. On this particular day, like most, I was in a regular every-day good mood. It's the norm- we get our carts, go about your business, and this is what happens:

Phase 1- The aisles are full of people and it's hard to get around. Argh.

Phase 2- Why the fudge muffins are people letting their kids run around the aisles like wild zoo animals? Geez!

Phase 3- Why are so many people so oblivious, don't they realize that they aren't the only ones in this damned store? WTFFF!!

Phase 4- I hate most people, I can't stand this effing place, I don't care what isn't in my cart I'm checking out now before I lose it and start lecturing people on their lack of consideration!! In a mean way, with lots of expletives! And potentially, with a raised voice!

This seems normal or reeeaaally over the top depending on how like my friend or how like me you are, right? As I was leaving and found myself all amped up and judging, I remembered my friend. And another, that found joy and appreciation in so much of what she does. And as I looked at a grandmotherly looking type who had (do this- crunch up your nose, squint your eyes, and let your mouth hang open a-la fly trap) THAT plastered on her face in a somewhat permanent manner, I began to soften.

Because we bring our "self" everywhere that we go, this is not the only place that I let minor inconveniences override being grateful for being alive to have an experience, joy in the diversity and hilarity of human-kind, and an appreciation that I am able to provide for my family, and that bargains help me do so in a better way. And I began to think of the things that bother me at home, and do I let those annoyances impact me in the same way? What about work? And so on.

So I smiled at the Grandma-esque lady, and contemplated that perhaps I may have that look plastered semi-permanently on my face, and so long as I had the love of my family and companionship, health, and the means to have what I need, who cares? And perhaps I'll be deep in thought and plow my cart nearly into someone, where I block them from moving in the aisle, and shop for canned peas for a while. Ok, maybe not that. I'm sorry, that person is still just not right. But, I shouldn't let anything or anyone, particularly things that I don't like, take away from the things that I do.

I will continue to shop there, and the other over-crowded grocery stores with insufficient parking in my area. I now try to arm myself with the importance of my own happiness and- though I will still laugh and enjoy people watching- it is in a less judgmental and more accepting fashion. I am now working on this while driving in traffic where the self serving a$$holes who are more important than anyone else risk deathly accidents by driving up our rears and so forth. We can observe and react but without so much emotion.

Lastly for now, I recommend that you visit your local whatever- Costco is often difficult, and examine how you are. I hope that you are able to- whether now or after some work- control your peace of mind and be happy as often as you choose.

Cheers,

Alice

PS) I don't ever actually want to punch babies, I just love the expression.