Funk That!!!

Remember that song from the 90's, "Funk Dat" by Sagat?

Here, let me help you out.  A link to the YouTube video:

Sagat: Funk Dat

I remember laughing about this song with my friends, and I think Beavis & Butthead may have even had their way with it.  Yep, they did, and you're welcome.  Again, the YouTube video:

Beavis & Butthead: Sagat- Funk Dat

For those of you who remember, you know you went around saying "funk that!" to all of the random injustices that occurred in that time period.

Mr. Sagat had some valid points.  If you've been here to Las Vegas, you know that when you are walking down the street, people are always stopping you hand you flyers (if you want to call them that).  Funk that, ESPECIALLY when you have kids with you (hint: they are all of naked-esque women).  Also, he questions why he walks into the bank, and the teller looks at him like he's robbed the place.  Well, Mr. Sagat, if you are dressed like you are in your video, with sunglasses and a hood up, that will happen.

I think we need this song again, or something like it.  I'm sorry, I'm not a lyrical or musical genius, so I can't help you.  (Neigh do I possess the correct auto tune, producer, pop star looks, abs, etc.) I will say though, that we all need a b*tch fest or rant session about the stuff in life that tends to pop up and derail our peace, stability, happiness, and so on.  So- let's do this. If you want to comment here, message me, whatever, I'll be your sounding board.  After all, you're about to be mine.

As usual, I'm going to give a disclaimer, which is that we all know that things can always be worse, right?  And in our society, it is perfectly acceptable to be fussy over petty things, because in reality when our basic hierarchy of needs is not put into challenge, petty stuff seems important too.

*plugging nose to make whiny voice-  "Why is it that":

When you try to do something nice for someone, life often hands you a punishment in return!  Nah man, funk that!!!

Windows 8- F*** THAT!  Why???  Just Why?  I don't know man.

Tires, they are the least gratifying expensive purchase one can make.  I mean, I already have some!  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Teenagers, being one and having them is kind of funk that!

Those effing idiots on the freeway that think it's ok for them to risk everyones lives by driving 3 inches from your bumper, when you can't get out of the way or go any faster!  I wish them all tickets!!!

Sometimes, spouses.  Yeah, sometimes funk them.

Cable and satellite TV.  Thanks for having me pay for 800 channels with NOTHING on.  And the movie channels? Especially FUNK THAT.  (I know this is approaching major first world problem brattiness, but thank heaven we don't judge on social media.)

Sunday nights when you have to go to work Monday, and your stomach turns.  (OK, I know it really is a blessing to have a job, but come on… We've all been there, right?)

INSURANCE COMPANIES.  This is tearing me up today.  Why is it, that they charge an arm and a mother stinking leg, and if you think you have a legitimate emergency (should be good enough for people who aren't idiots or hypochondriacs), and go to the ER, and if you get a non-emergency diagnosis, they won't pay!!  I.e., think your kid has a concussion?  They better.  Think you're having a heart attack?  better not be a panic attack.  FUNK THAT!!  Greedy b*tches!!  (I know the list goes on and on about the insurance topic.)  Evil!!!!

Why is it that cats are so vindictive?  Get over yourself, cat!!!

Overly ripe bananas.   Like, I'm overly ripe or som'n.  funk THAT!

I feel guilty for complaining.  Now I'm going to have to come up with a post about my blessings.

Coming soon- an update on my "find myself" blog post, and also, for those of you that interact with me, it means the world.  Unfortunately, school starts again at the end of the month so I'll have a tough time managing my schedule again soon.  Funk that!!

Cheers,
Alice

Need to SEE yourself? Go to Walmart.

Walmart used to bring 3 things to mind for me- bargains, crowds and butt cheeks.  Yes, butt cheeks.  I haven't been to a Walmart in a long time and NOT seen butt cheeks.  Most of the time they aren't the toned butt cheeks of a work-out queen or fit 20 year old (which is still a ridiculous sight in the city); usually it is a butt squeezed into a pair of shorts several sizes too small, which have climbed half way up the cheeks in a desperate attempt to break free, or something of the like.  Don't act like you haven seen this, I know I'm not the only one who shops at my wally.  Every time I go, I see the cheeks.   And last time I was there, I had an emotional and enlightening experience, so self-examination is now on the list of things I associate with that store.  Who needs a therapist when you have the people of Walmart?

Time for a few disclaimers before I get to the point.  I have nothing against butt cheeks.  They should all have their time in the sun, however, not for all to see, unless you are going somewhere where they are to be expected.  (I guess Walmart is such a place now).  Do not think that I am a class or weight snob.  I think people of all sizes that take pride in their own well being are beautiful.  Next, I believe that classy people are found and lacking in all socioeconomic statuses, races, genders, etc.  I have met very classy people that didn't have a dime to their name and came from the roughest trailer park you'd ever see, and I have met classless people who had great wealth.  Both of which and everything in between can probably be found at Walmart!  Onward we go.

Like some of you, I have a thing with crowds.  I get anxious around a lot of people, which generally leads to my being irritable, and an eventual escalation to wanting to snap "like a Chic-O Stick".  But, I have this friend who inspires me, and makes me feel like a real a$$hole.  Not intentionally, but because this friend doesn't get judgmental, doesn't let small things irritate and cause them to be irate, and generally looks to find the good in people.  I want to be like that, because I get all pissed and want to punch babies, while this friend is happy and at peace.  To take charge of my peace, I think it necessary to truly examine how I operate and learn to choose certain emotions over others, and use logic to reduce unnecessary anxiety.  That's how I plan to control that sh*t and stop feeling like an a$$hole.

Now to the emotional experiences… Because bargains are important to me, I deal with the cheeks and crowds and occasionally drag myself to Walmart.  On this particular day, like most, I was in a regular every-day good mood.  It's the norm- we get our carts, go about your business, and this is what happens:

Phase 1- The aisles are full of people and it's hard to get around.  Argh.

Phase 2- Why the fudge muffins are people letting their kids run around the aisles like wild zoo animals? Geez!

Phase 3- Why are so many people so oblivious, don't they realize that they aren't the only ones in this damned store?  WTFFF!!

Phase 4- I hate most people, I can't stand this effing place, I don't care what isn't in my cart I'm checking out now before I lose it and start lecturing people on their lack of consideration!!  In a mean way, with lots of expletives!  And potentially, with a raised voice!

This seems normal or reeeaaally over the top depending on how like my friend or how like me you are, right?  As I was leaving and found myself all amped up and judging, I remembered my friend.  And another, that found joy and appreciation in so much of what she does.  And as I looked at a grandmotherly looking type who had (do this- crunch up your nose, squint your eyes, and let your mouth hang open a-la fly trap) THAT plastered on her face in a somewhat permanent manner, I began to soften.

Because we bring our "self" everywhere that we go, this is not the only place that I let minor inconveniences override being grateful for being alive to have an experience, joy in the diversity and hilarity of human-kind, and an appreciation that I am able to provide for my family, and that bargains help me do so in a better way.  And I began to think of the things that bother me at home, and do I let those annoyances impact me in the same way?  What about work?  And so on.

So I smiled at the Grandma-esque lady, and contemplated that perhaps I may have that look plastered semi-permanently on my face, and so long as I had the love of my family and companionship, health, and the means to have what I need, who cares?  And perhaps I'll be deep in thought and plow my cart nearly into someone, where I block them from moving in the aisle, and shop for canned peas for a while.  Ok, maybe not that.  I'm sorry, that person is still just not right.  But, I shouldn't let anything or anyone, particularly things that I don't like, take away from the things that I do.

I will continue to shop there, and the other over-crowded grocery stores with insufficient parking in my area.  I now try to arm myself with the importance of my own happiness and- though I will still laugh and enjoy people watching- it is in a less judgmental and more accepting fashion.  I am now working on this while driving in traffic where the self serving a$$holes who are more important than anyone else  risk deathly accidents by driving up our rears and so forth.  We can observe and react but without so much emotion.

Lastly for now, I recommend that you visit your local whatever- Costco is often difficult, and examine how you are.  I hope that you are able to- whether now or after some work- control your peace of mind and be happy as often as you choose.

Cheers,

Alice

PS) I don't ever actually want to punch babies, I just love the expression.

Photo credit: Psycholabs / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Photo credit: symphony of love / Foter.com / CC BY-NC

Giving for Giving

Sometimes giving is like taking
put your heart into a black hole
do not expect to get it back just the same
if at all...

Sometimes giving is like remembering
familiar echoes of something given to you
you give it with the same fervor that you'd take it back
if you could...

Sometimes giving is a surrender
you do it so much you close your eyes
your autopilot just as generous as your former self
as you would

Sometimes giving is for a purpose
and you break when you do not yield your expected return
with no-one to blame but yourself
as you should

Sometimes giving is just too much
when you watch it stomped and shattered
and then you must give to yourself
just let go.

Last Day Reflections

If today was to be the last day of the world, not that I think it is or anything, what would you think of the last week?  Would you be happy with the impact you had on your family?  With the level of interaction with your loved ones?  Who might you regret not seeing, or telling how you feel about them?  Would you regret how you handled a conflict?  Would you feel that you lived life the best that you could?  If we were to continually live with awareness of the fact that we are not guaranteed or entitled to another second on this earth, the perspective of such could change how we feel about many things.

I, for one, generally think that living my last bits of life working in a job that I do only for survival and that doesn't bring me any happiness would be a big waste of my life.  Yet, I couldn't regret spending this time at work because it allows me to provide for my family, which serves a much higher purpose than any of the fun things I could think up for myself.  That's what keeps me going, as it does for many.   Well, that and the threat of destitution.  Ultimately, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't enjoy life more without a job, unless I had something else that enabled me to provide for my loved ones differently.  (Or that ever elusive enjoyable job.)

Now that THAT'S out of the way... What about family?  Who would you have seen more?  Or less?  For me, I would spend more time with my grandmother, who was once the salt of my earth, and provided my only refuge from misery.  Some of which was general teenage angst, but there was real legitimate misery going on, and she was my only escape; a great one at that.  I've always loved my grandmother for her amazing heart, and feisty spirit, but what happened to her importance?  People have said things along the lines of what I summarize as priority transparence, which is the idea that you can see what is important in your life by how much time you give it.  Grandma is indeed important, but I'm out of time and energy after work/ school/ kids/ house/ husband, and it takes discipline to conjure up enough energy to continue the list which from there includes husband/ dogs/ and once in an amazing while myself.  I wouldn't give a crap about cleaning the house with a known time limit, so theres one place to steal time from...  I also would want to get in some really good quality one on one time with each of the kids, and I could truly write all night about this topic.  I'm sure you can relate!

Along with family, I really would plan some things into my last week of life to impact others.  Perhaps I would help someone be less hungry or warmer in the winter.  I promise I am not saying this to impress you, I really do want to help people.  However, I don't do much to this end, and that's ok in my mind so long as I can do it "later".  And to the point of these thoughts, what if "later" never comes?

Last but hopefully not least, there's my fun.  I don't have enough of it, but what would I do?  I'd want to see new things, and try new things.  I'd absolutely want to dance more, and I would want to be in nature as often as possible.  What comes to mind for you?

Though the world may not end tomorrow, I never know when mine will.  My recommendation is that we make a list of what we really want to do, and when we are going to or hope to do it.  Then, when we look over this list, remind ourselves that the time we plan on borrowing does not in fact belong to us, and that every moment is a gift.  And for our involvement with others, their time is just as precious.  What will you do differently?

From Under Your Shoe

I'm stuck up here
under your shoe
I was stomped on for speaking
so what can I do
everything is dark
I feel I can't see
and from being all smooshed
I'm no longer me
The ground is all dirty
each stomp rubs my face
in all that is beneath you
which must be my place
don't get confused, though
I won't stay here long
although you keep stomping me
somehow I'm strong
you'll step in a puddle
or maybe some spit
I'll get lose one day
and no longer submit
I won't conform to your sole
I'll speak up again soon
and when you take a step
underneath will be no Alice Moon.

On Life: This Blog- my starting point.

It took some courage, but a couple of weeks ago, I decided to jump in and start this blog.  Not a huge step in this day in age, there are probably as many bloggers as there are... Um... Err.. Bloggers.  It was a very big deal to me, due to the fact that there have only been two small windows in the last 10 years that I allowed myself to write at all.  Why?  Well, because, the only part of myself that I have gotten to know in my entire adult life claims to be stoic, with a dislike of emotions and emotional situations in general, a distaste for drama, and an attraction to logic; surrounded by people of the same disposition  (who needs feelings when you have thoughts).  Life seems to be much safer when you can be just slightly above feeling, like riding an elevator instead of a roller coaster.  Only problem here is that you only learn what it is like to go up and down, and may get stuck with a flatulator.   I'm not comfortable with the twists and turns, and I didn't really like the feelings that allowed me to write.  Truly, I did not have an interest in spending time with myself, whoever that may be.  Which brings me to my purpose here, to explore the parts of myself that I have ignored, repressed and suffocated, in hopes of aligning with my identity.

Though it's been but a short time, there are some things that have started to transform.  In embracing some of my writing, it seems that I have allowed myself to be more open to creative energy in general.  I have been looking at things in a different light, and allowing myself to observe the motives and meanings behind things as opposed to taking things for face value.  Like listening to the words of a song as opposed to just the beat (which can be a mistake sometimes).  Also, as a result of this blog, I have gone out of my way to make an effort to connect with writers, photographers, artists and creative people in general.  I find happiness each day in seeing all of the works that people share.  I find hope in their pain, joy in their enthusiasm, and strength in the courage of sharing vulnerabilities; and I find myself wanting to become more because of this.

As that is something that I did not expect, it all makes this part of the journey worth it so far. There is one frightening aspect of this for me, lying in the deep dark corners of honesty, which is that a part of me is looking for validation.  We all do in many points in our lives, however I do not enjoy that I could ever feel like sharing of myself has failed.   I've experienced what it is like to move people with things that I've written, however, in general I haven't developed anything in my life that I feel that  am good at.  I can't apply the word talent to anything that I do really, but, as I'll share more about later, I just haven't tried many things.  (Actually, I have a talent for some aspects of motherhood... I do have eyes in the back of my head, and I can give a look that catches, lectures, disciplines and accepts an apology all at the same time.)

So, I plan to share this with you in hopes that you relate and walk this cobblestone road with me, wearing stilettos (sounds tricky? it is), and perhaps you'll put on a pair too (gentlemen as well, you know what they say about walking a mile), and maybe even lend me an arm for support and take embarrassing pictures of me when I fall.

AM

Photo credit: GrungeTextures / Foter / CC BY-NC

Tumultuous Flight

The wind against my face

the earth so far below

spinning and ever changing

as I try to land.

Floating so far above,

yet getting close so fast

hoping that the ground

will be there.

Looking into myself,

only ounces of fear are left,

so many were spent

on the falls before.

My heart races

I feel my pulse surging

frantically paced through my entire body

The feeling of being alive

bringing so much freedom to this flight

I hold my breath while the world speeds before me

Grasping through the air for a glimmer of control

to slow me down this time

I feel the tingle as I get closer now,

on every inch of my flesh

Note even I can help me now

my descent is almost through

My lungs tighten and my eyes close

my fists clench, fighting to make it through

these final moments

until I feel the ground again-

And now I feel the sun warm against my body

and I can breathe

just like the first breath

of new life.